Monday, December 29, 2014

Hitting the Pause Button

I am a terrible blogger, which would make you think I am an AWESOME mommy during Christmas Break {She's not blogging, she MUST be doing fun stuff w/ her kids!!!}...but really, I am content if I have laundry done & kids fed most days. Sorry if that disappoints you.

I know some of you picture me having the kids sitting around in a circle singing Kumbaya first thing in the morning, followed by age appropriate crafts w/ each of them, and then fixing them lunches that resemble something off Pinterest, all while wearing perfect makeup and smiling.

Reality is, if I don't have a photo shoot that day, I'm probably still wearing pajamas when Matt walks in the door. The only sunshine I get (IF the sun is even out) is when I step out back for a breather to keep from raising my voice at the kids.

My kids have been sick off & on most of December, and I think I have only been to church once this entire month. There was one week that I was home all day EVERY day for a full 7 days. Matt kept insisting he could run to the store for me and I thought I was going to start crying when I demanded that I go because I hadn't stepped out of the house in 7 days.  Poor guy, he didn't sign up for this hot mess of a wife!

Life is good. It is full. There is joy in the midst of the chaos. There are toddler giggles, teen fits of laughter, singing, silly dancing, movie DAYS, treats and just overall happiness. But it isn't how I imagined it would be. There are battles we are fighting. It's like slaying dragons I never even imagined would taunt our family. MY family.

Some days, the force of it all almost takes my breath away. I am more emotional than ever before in my life...not like psycho lady emotional, but like weepy-what-the-heck-was-I-thinking-lady. It hit me a couple of months ago. And I can't seem to shake it.  Wait, maybe that DOES make me Psycho Lady?

So all this to say...we are hitting the pause button on adding additional children to our family right now. I've had a few people ask me. I love their curiosity. I am thankful I have made the topic THAT approachable. We do want another child. A chocolate skinned one, hopefully.

But first, we need to help our kiddos continue to heal.

And Mommy needs to figure out how to handle this load. OR get on hormone replacement. Or something...

You know how one of the moms from back in the day (can't remember who, but she had a boat load of children & one of those kids ended up becoming a VIP) used to hide under the table to have her Quiet Times? Well, I wish I had more of her desire to be creative in finding ways to spend time w/ the Lord. And I think that is where my main problem is. I am so spent after each day from just trying to meet the daily needs of this precious family, that I have forgotten to make time for Jesus.

Would humbly appreciate your prayers.