Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Failed Adoption | All in God's Plans

We've debated blogging about this, but felt it was important in order to be as transparent as possible to those who have been praying so fervently for us.
BMom changed her mind about the adoption.
The proper terminology would be "Failed Adoption" in the adoption world.
We call it "All in God's plans".

This journey with BMom taught us that sometimes the Lord places people in our lives simply to pray for them during a difficult season in THEIR lives.
We were only able to truly focus on HER and HER needs, when we stopped focusing on ourselves and started interceding for HER & HER baby.  ("Do nothing out of self ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Philippians 2:3)

This journey wasn't easy.  I was brutally transparent with you at my lowest times.  My faith was lacking daily.

But God was always there for our family.  And He sent us encouraging bible verses, phone calls, texts & emails just when we most needed them.  He was faithful.  He IS faithful. (1 Cor 1:9)

I haven't spoken with BMom at all.  That is ok.  I think she knows we love her.  We respect her.  She made a bold choice.  A beautiful choice!  We completely support her choice and believe she made the best choice for herself and her son.  She has a special place in our hearts and we will continue to pray for her & her boy.

We love you BMom!

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeramiah 29:11

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

A "Sorta" Update

  1. The Morrows LOVE BMom
  2. The Morrows have not spoken to BMom
  3. The Morrows are okay with this
  4. The Morrows are resting in God's sovereignty
Mary thinks baby boy may have been born already...   It's just a gut feeling, I have NO proof of this.  If you are doubting me, look at #2.  But I'm at peace.  Look at #3 & #4.

We want BMom to know that we LOVE her!  For proof of this, look at #1.

We also want BMom to know that we are okay with WHATEVER the outcome of all of this is! We know God's in control.  His will for baby boy is what is going to happen.  Bottom line.  If you're questioning this awesomeness, check out #4 again!    

  • If we are able to get past the DNA testing and the court hearing and BMom still chooses us as baby boy's adoptive-forever family, we WILL keep our end of the Agreement for this to be a Semi Open Adoption, as requested by BMom.  
  • He will be affirmed OFTEN of her deep love for him.  
  • When he's old enough to ask questions, we will answer as best as we can and if we don't have the answers, we will ask BMom to answer him herself through a letter or a phone call.  
  • We will share letters and pictures back and forth.  Because we truly believe that he cannot be whole without this.  
  • I know that a LOT of people disagree with me about the Semi Open Adoption, to you disagreeable people, the Morrows stick their tongues out at YOU!
And if things don't go favorably for the Morrows with the DNA test and the court hearing and BMom keeps baby boy. This possibility is also included in #4 but we've got this, cause we're also a strong #3!
  • We will rejoice with her on her decision.
  • We will celebrate with her the life of her baby boy.
  • We will continue to pray for her.
  • We will continue to pray for baby boy.
  • We will make ourselves available in whatever capacity we can.
  • Because we LOVE BMom!
  • And we LOVE baby boy!
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Ps. This is between BMom & The Morrows, so any friends or relatives of hers, please mind your own precious business!  Yes, I have become quite protective of her!  

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Grieving for BMoms | the happiest sad

Grief and Healing {Part 1}

Grief and Healing {Part 2}

Grief and Healing {Part 3}

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, in her book “On Grief and Grieving,” said, “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal, and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to.” 

I didn't know my love for BMom would entangle me in worrying about HER so much, but it has.  Please continue praying for her heart, for her strength & for God's will in all of this


Friday, February 17, 2012

Dear Baby

Dear Baby,
2 posts in one day, weird, I know!
But I wanted to show you some ADORABLE things I found online.
These will be for YOU!!!  :)

*happy sigh*

Okay, you can go back to baking  :).

Dear Baby

Dear Baby,
You're due Feb. 29.  As far as I know, you'll come when you're good and ready and not a second before that!  :)
I signed up for a Mom's Retreat last Fall. I was so excited about going with a few of my friends. I was mostly looking forward to getting away & recharging my batteries with some Jesus fuel!

Then we found out about you sweet baby.  The retreat was February 17 & 18, in Dallas.  My favorite little nearby city!  That's today.
But I backed out from the retreat, just incase you arrived early.  So I've been a little down in the dumps today because babies never give us arrival dates.  I don't know if I did the right thing by staying home.  But I do have peace of mind that if you arrive this weekend, I'm here & eager to meet you!  I've even picked out a little "take home" outfit for you.
Just wanted you to know that.
I hope you're doing well.

Ps. I'm getting my hair cut.  Short.  It's a "new mommy" 'do.

Love you to the moon & back,

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

A letter | Personal

Posting this with permission from the author:

I don't know if this will help you. I sure hope it will just a little (or maybe alot). During Dylan's lesson today. We were reading about Joseph. We read about his dreams the Lord gave him (before his brothers threw him in a well). Then we read about his brothers conspiring and ultimately throwing him in the well to get rid of him. I know you are familiar with the story, probably even more than I am. But, I felt the Lord bring you to mind. How He gave you a dream, since you were young, of a baby boy. And, now, here you are, in the process of making that dream come true (who'd thought, 5 years ago, you be HERE today?). I know there is a lot of waiting, yearning, and longing involved.  But, the lesson was about how God can bring good out of what others try and mean for bad (this is on D's 2nd grade level here, so pardon the elementary speech). I imagined Joseph being scared in that well. Probably thinking "what are you doing here God?!" He had to have been scared and confused! I doubt he thought that dream would come true as he sat at the bottom of that well. I have been thinking so much about why/how God works things out the way He does. How I don't understand WHY things happen the way they do. But also seeing that God does keep His promises. I never understand the process when I'm in the middle of it. But I feel like the enemy (in the story, his brothers) has come against you fiercely. You are probably asking aot of the same questions. But, I know God will work it out to His glory, and your good. He promises that. He doesn't say the road there will be quick and easy. I know you know that and understand that. I just felt the Lord impress on my heart to share that with you.

I know you are hurting and struggling. I'm so sorry you are. I am praying for you! That is all I can do. I am here for you. I know I don't understand your struggles, but I am here to pray with you or whatever it is I CAN do. If you'd like to hang out, visit, or do something fun together, soon, I'm up for that too. I miss you! You are on my mind all the time! 

Praying for you and love you!!!

And this...will get me through another day & hopefully it can help someone else having a long bout of "why" with the Lord!  Thanks friend :)

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day Little Man!!!

Happy Valentine's Day Little Man!!!

  • today was rough
  • because you were missed dearly
  • this afternoon, your sisters & I baked cupcakes
  • you weren't here for that
  • we watched Little House on the Prairie
  • Gabi made a Smilebox of Friday's Valentine's Party
  • it's cute
  • you're not in the pictures
  • that makes me sad
  • daddy came home from work with a piping hot coffee for momma
  • that cheered me up  :)
  • he also brought Teds 
  • which he can't eat
  • because he can't have saturated fats
  • but he brought it for the girls & i
  • which means your daddy ROCKS!
  • yesterday was his birthday
  • i baked him gluten free cupcakes 
  • and a ridiculously healthy & delicious meal
  • so he thinks i rock too!  :)
  • we gave your sisters valentines candy
  • and some cutie patootie stuffed animals
  • you weren't here for that
  • i may have spent some time crying in the bathroom
  • you are needed here little man
  • where the stinkin' heck are ya?
  • momma's not really sure how much longer she can handle this!
  • i love you to the moon & back!
Happy Valentine's Day Little Man!!!

Incase it's running through anyone's mind  - No, Bmom has not backed out - we simply don't know what is going to happen with the dad, therefore we don't know if we will be able to adopt him or not.  Which makes this waiting period ridiculously difficult!!!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

The un-update Update...

The un-update Update, sorta...

  • I've texted & called baby's mom
  • No response
  • I think baby's daddy totally screwed with her emotions
  • I don't blame her
  • I've cried more than my fair share, both for her and for our family
  • I'm sure u don't blame me
  • I'm shaking as I type this
  • I find myself literally shaking a lot these days
  • I've never had this problem before
  • Our attorney has sputtered the words "be prepared for her to back out"
  • Adoption is NOT for the faint of heart
  • I watched Juno 2 nights ago at like 1 in the morning
  • While I was editing
  • Just me & Juno
  • I cried on a lot of the scenes that used to make me giggle
  • The phone rang a few days ago with the Caller ID name that said "Cloth Dona"
  • Which obviously meant "Clothes Donation"
  • But my eyes saw the baby's dad's name
  • It's sorta close, just not in that order, but u know how your eyes twist letters around sometimes and u can read misspelled words perfectly clear?  That's what happened.  
  • My heart stammered in my chest like I'd been caught stealing a brand new Canon 5D Mark III or maybe even like Bob Harper catching me eating a slice of Dulce de Leche Cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. Be still my soul!
  • And I started hyperventilating
  • All it took was a millisecond of thinking it was baby's dad to cause my body to freak out like this
  • So yeah, I'm a mess...
  • What would I have done if it WAS him?
  • I'd like to think I could be the bigger person, offer him grace, pray over the phone for him & be a positive influence in his probably negative life, rather than give him a piece of my mind
  • Because really, who cares what I think?  It's what God thinks that matters most!
  • I just seem to keep forgetting that...
  • In other news:
  • DHS has finalized our paperwork
  • Our family has been approved for Adoption & Foster Care thru DHS
  • And it doesn't even matter a flippin' bit to us because well...our son is in question at the moment.
  • So much weight is hanging by a thread on this upcoming DNA test
  • We have never been through anything so heart wrenching
  • And then there's baby's mom
  • Good grief, how can I worry so much about someone I've never met?
  • The Lord has birthed so much love for her within our family, within our hearts
  • We pray for her every single morning as we're starting school 
  • And every evening as we're ending our Family Worship time
  • I find myself loving her more and needing Father to give me peace about her safety, her emotions, her heart
  • I will repeat it again, Adoption is NOT for the faint of heart!