The un-update Update...

The un-update Update, sorta...

• I've texted & called baby's mom
• No response
• I think baby's daddy totally screwed with her emotions
• I don't blame her
• I've cried more than my fair share, both for her and for our family
• I'm sure u don't blame me
• I'm shaking as I type this
• I find myself literally shaking a lot these days
• I've never had this problem before
• Our attorney has sputtered the words "be prepared for her to back out"
• Adoption is NOT for the faint of heart
• I watched Juno 2 nights ago at like 1 in the morning
• While I was editing
• Just me & Juno
• I cried on a lot of the scenes that used to make me giggle
• The phone rang a few days ago with the Caller ID name that said "Cloth Dona"
• Which obviously meant "Clothes Donation"
• But my eyes saw the baby's dad's name
• It's sorta close, just not in that order, but u know how your eyes twist letters around sometimes and u can read misspelled words perfectly clear?  That's what happened.  
• My heart stammered in my chest like I'd been caught stealing a brand new Canon 5D Mark III or maybe even like Bob Harper catching me eating a slice of Dulce de Leche Cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. Be still my soul!
• And I started hyperventilating
• All it took was a millisecond of thinking it was baby's dad to cause my body to freak out like this
• So yeah, I'm a mess...
• What would I have done if it WAS him?
• I'd like to think I could be the bigger person, offer him grace, pray over the phone for him & be a positive influence in his probably negative life, rather than give him a piece of my mind
• Because really, who cares what I think?  It's what God thinks that matters most!
• I just seem to keep forgetting that...
• In other news:
• DHS has finalized our paperwork
• Our family has been approved for Adoption & Foster Care thru DHS
• And it doesn't even matter a flippin' bit to us because well...our son is in question at the moment.
• So much weight is hanging by a thread on this upcoming DNA test
• We have never been through anything so heart wrenching
• And then there's baby's mom
• Good grief, how can I worry so much about someone I've never met?
• The Lord has birthed so much love for her within our family, within our hearts
• We pray for her every single morning as we're starting school 
• And every evening as we're ending our Family Worship time
• I find myself loving her more and needing Father to give me peace about her safety, her emotions, her heart
• I will repeat it again, Adoption is NOT for the faint of heart!